Bootilicious Buns

Bootilicious Buns

By

Imari Jade

Like a fool I thought I’d give an exercise show by this name a try. I previewed it yesterday to find out what equipment I needed to use…nothing but an exercise mat. But before I could start, my grandson came down the street and asked Maw-Maw to fix him something to eat. Me, being me, couldn’t refuse. He, like his father is a very finicky eater. He only wanted sausage, of all things. I can’t get either of them to eat anything nutritious even if I paid them. So I fixed the sausage. And just like typical Elijah, he ate and left.

My feelings are not hurt. He’s always been this way. A few minutes of Maw Maw is all a four year old can tolerate.

Lunch today consisted of one ounce of tuna, five crackers, and a cookie. It was not filling. So I ate a rice cake. That didn’t work either, so I ate another one. I felt full. The two guys in the office had something from Popeye’s, and the other young lady, Tracee is trying to diet too. I don’t know why we even bother if the office smells like fried chicken. You think they would have had the decency to spray some deodorizer. Gentlemen, women can put on weight just by smelling this type of food.

The day was pretty much screwed. Our computer programs were still dragging because of server problems and that made the day very long, so I was looking forward to going home and doing aerobics. My other plan was to mop the house. So, I brought in the garbage can, brought in the mop and bucket, swept the floors, fixed Elijah his sausage, and then turned on the exercise show, and then the phone rang. It was my brother. He wanted me to call the telephone company and tell them to come out to look at their lines. To make a long story short, he lives in Mississippi and I live in Louisiana, so it’s only natural that he makes a long distance call to me to call AT&T to fix their lines when it’s easy to call himself. And while I’m at it he wants me to call Direct Television to find out when they are going to get local channels out there in the boonies where he lives. Sometimes it does not pay to (1) answer phones and (2) have relatives.

So of course I had to talk to my mother too, to tell her I saw her double on the bus. It was like looking in a mirror. Spooky. I hope that’s not a premonition.

So I’m actually exercising while I’m talking to them. And I’m dying in the process. My thighs and legs were hurting two minutes into the exercise but I stuck it out for the full ten minutes. I walk every day but I’ve never been able to do leg or ab exercises without being in pain. Well, you know the floors aren’t going to get mopped now unless they magically transform like in the animated version of Disney’s Cinderella and clean the floor themselves.

I didn’t even sweat…not one drop. To me it’s not accomplishing anything if you don’t sweat during exercise, and I probably would have chosen another show to do but it’s hard to exercise if your legs are out of commission. And it almost made me feel bad about eating dinner because I didn’t earn it…almost. I ate it, but I didn’t enjoy it. What good is eating vegetables if still have to take Beano and Maalox? I’m probably doing more harm by doing this than good. Acid reflux and indigestion sucks.

It’s eight o’clock, which mean I have only two hours to dedicate to editing my book tonight. I still have about four pages to type on my current WIP, but there’s no way I can get to that tonight.

The day wasn’t a total loss. I smelt night jasmines on my way to work. It brought back memories of being a young girl.

Imari Jade